8 Ways To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust
Is it lust or love? Can this relationship survive beyond the sexual connection? Am I actually in love or just infatuated? These are questions therapists like us hear all the time, for good reason.
Most romance portrayed in Hollywood films—in which two people chase each other, fall madly in love, and the movie ends as soon as the relationship begins—looks more like lust than secure and stable love. Here, we compare the two common terms and how to tell which one you may be experiencing.
Lust vs. love
Lust is an intense sexual attraction to another person. At its best, lust can be the glue that draws us to a partner and allows for deep physical connection. At its worst, lust is fueled by idealization and projection of what we want to see rather than the reality of the person and situation. Additionally, it is a wild and dangerous misconception that ongoing lust is the expectation for a long-term relationship.
Love is a bit more complex. One of the most popular subjects in literature and the arts, love in all its delights and sufferings has often appeared a mystery, defined in an infinite number of ways throughout human history. From an attachment perspective, love is a basic human need that keeps us bonded to the people who matter most. A secure, loving attachment with a romantic partner involves a deep affection, trust, and acceptance of a person, flaws and all.
It is no surprise people have a difficult time discerning between love and lust given that the two phenomena activate similar neural pathways in the brain that are involved in view of the self, goal-directed behavior, happiness, reward, and addiction. Love and lust, however, are not identical and can appear in any combination, with or without the other, to varying degrees, and even fluctuate between the two states over time.
How to tell if it’s love or lust
While there are no rules when it comes to love, here are some helpful distinctions to consider if you are worried that the relationship is simply based on lust and not sustainable for a long-term relationship:
Lust vs. love
Lust is an intense sexual attraction to another person. At its best, lust can be the glue that draws us to a partner and allows for deep physical connection. At its worst, lust is fueled by idealization and projection of what we want to see rather than the reality of the person and situation. Additionally, it is a wild and dangerous misconception that ongoing lust is the expectation for a long-term relationship.
Love is a bit more complex. One of the most popular subjects in literature and the arts, love in all its delights and sufferings has often appeared a mystery, defined in an infinite number of ways throughout human history. From an attachment perspective, love is a basic human need that keeps us bonded to the people who matter most. A secure, loving attachment with a romantic partner involves a deep affection, trust, and acceptance of a person, flaws and all.
It is no surprise people have a difficult time discerning between love and lust given that the two phenomena activate similar neural pathways1 in the brain that are involved in view of the self, goal-directed behavior, happiness, reward, and addiction. Love and lust, however, are not identical and can appear in any combination, with or without the other, to varying degrees, and even fluctuate between the two states over time.
RELATED: Infatuation vs. Love: 19 Differences + Signs Of Each
How to tell if it’s love or lust
While there are no rules when it comes to love, here are some helpful distinctions to consider if you are worried that the relationship is simply based on lust and not sustainable for a long-term relationship:
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1.
Why are you interested in the relationship?
Lust alone is interest only in the partner sexually. Love is interest in getting to know the person over time.
2.
Are you open to the hard work?
Lust attempts to keep the relationship on an ideal level. Love expands to having difficult conversations and exploring painful emotions.
3.
How do you feel about the person’s flaws?
Lust loses interest when you discover a person’s flaws. Love accepts a person’s positive and negative qualities.
4.
Does the relationship get better over time?
Lust is about immediate gratification. Love develops trust and commitment over a long period of time.
Lust vs. love
Lust is an intense sexual attraction to another person. At its best, lust can be the glue that draws us to a partner and allows for deep physical connection. At its worst, lust is fueled by idealization and projection of what we want to see rather than the reality of the person and situation. Additionally, it is a wild and dangerous misconception that ongoing lust is the expectation for a long-term relationship.
Love is a bit more complex. One of the most popular subjects in literature and the arts, love in all its delights and sufferings has often appeared a mystery, defined in an infinite number of ways throughout human history. From an attachment perspective, love is a basic human need that keeps us bonded to the people who matter most. A secure, loving attachment with a romantic partner involves a deep affection, trust, and acceptance of a person, flaws and all.
It is no surprise people have a difficult time discerning between love and lust given that the two phenomena activate similar neural pathways1 in the brain that are involved in view of the self, goal-directed behavior, happiness, reward, and addiction. Love and lust, however, are not identical and can appear in any combination, with or without the other, to varying degrees, and even fluctuate between the two states over time.
RELATED: Infatuation vs. Love: 19 Differences + Signs Of Each
How to tell if it’s love or lust
While there are no rules when it comes to love, here are some helpful distinctions to consider if you are worried that the relationship is simply based on lust and not sustainable for a long-term relationship:
ADVERTISEMENT
THIS AD IS DISPLAYED USING THIRD PARTY CONTENT AND WE DO NOT CONTROL ITS ACCESSIBILITY FEATURES.
1.
Why are you interested in the relationship?
Lust alone is interest only in the partner sexually. Love is interest in getting to know the person over time.
2.
Are you open to the hard work?
Lust attempts to keep the relationship on an ideal level. Love expands to having difficult conversations and exploring painful emotions.READ NEXT
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3.
How do you feel about the person’s flaws?
Lust loses interest when you discover a person’s flaws. Love accepts a person’s positive and negative qualities.
4.
Does the relationship get better over time?
Lust is about immediate gratification. Love develops trust and commitment over a long period of time.
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5.
Where is the thrill coming from?
Lust enjoys the fantasy and excitement of the interaction. Love feels risky and vulnerable because it involves opening yourself up and letting yourself be known.
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